Bach At It

The 2017 Bachelor Nick Viall is about to sit back and let 30 women compete for enough airtime to snag endorsement deals after the show. This season brings the most women in the mansion, one of the oldest bachelors and the fourth engagement ring Nick’s picked out on national television.

There was going to be 31 women on this season, but I pulled out.

A first time for everything!

A Bachelor in Paradise?

Similar but different

For those of you with jobs, Nick was chosen as bachelor after being runner-up on both Kaitlin Bristowe and Andi Dorfman’s seasons of the Bachelorette, which means he proposed to and was rejected by both on National Televison.

He then almost proposed to Jen Saviano in Bachelor in Paradise this past summer. After going as far as picking out a ring for Jen, producers swept in offscreen and offered him trade his girlfriend for 30 shiny new ones and a sizable check.

He broke the news to her on camera, naturally.

If the women of this season can be sure of anything, it’s that the final ring is going to be amazing. Nick is to failed proposals like Ross from Friends is to divorce- its just their thing. 

My heart says yes, but the producers said no

On The Most Dramatic Season of the Bachelor Ever..

After doing a first pass of the 30 ladies, it;s clear that a love for Dolphins and/or The Little Mermaid are to Nick’s season as the fade haircut was to Jojo’s suitors.

Something Fishy

Multiple ladies list their favorite animals as dolphin, with a front runner flipper showing up in a Dolphin suit. Dolphin girl is from right outside my city and even though the suit looks dolphinitely more like a shark, I am pretty sure she is great and we would be best friends.

One thing that is different this season is that they got women with real jobs, as opposed to past seasons with jobs listed as “cat mom” and “nail artist.” This season includes multiple lawyers and doctors, a pro athlete, business owners and teachers, so there are multiple contenders for a strong Bachelorette next season.

Like most people I barely know, I have already judged these women on scocial media and selected my early favorites, roses, and questionable casting choices, thorns, alike.

I am going mostly on looks and obscure facts about each, so bear with me for real impressions until the show airs, okay?

Early Roses

Angela | Model

aa7f5b77-8eee-4751-b602-4d9c07f7b64d-526-000001831dfce227_tmp    7efbc37d-4de8-4f35-9dcf-9c53c2d3c0e7-526-00000186c78fd69d_tmp
As a model, I question if she meant to go on Americas Next Top Model and accidentally went to the wrong audition and just went with it once cast. Like many models after their prime, Angela hopes to be a stay at home mom.  Here’s to a lifetime of love and Botox! Nonetheless, I think she is the prettiest of this season, therefore an early favorite.

Shallow, but I told you that was going to happen.

Danielle L. | Small Business Owner

Looking like a genetic compilation of Andi, Kristen and Jen will either make or break her chances. There isn’t a lot about her answers that stood out, but being exactly Nick’s type will work in her favor. She owns her own business, so supporting Nick once the franchise’s money runs dry isn’t out of the question just yet.

Jasmine B. | Flight Attendant

5747ed25-49df-46e3-8549-116773762ec3-526-00000183d7e4afdb_tmp        f88b4e8d-f7ae-4c6e-984c-d88f781946a2-526-0000018663b29fb1_tmp
Last year, Lauren B, another flight attendant, won Ben Higgins heart and 1.4 million new Instagram followers. Will Jasmine be the one to fly follow in her footsteps? These girls know how to work their way around a bachelors cockpit. I am rooting for her to make it to the Fantasy Suite so I can make a joke about Nick’s snake on her plane.

Early Thorns
Christen | Wedding Videographer

e5b1a328-7177-46e0-8a98-d5710fe242c2-526-000001838cfdc7af_tmp  46a15a96-a965-4056-bc3b-4b109bae4255-526-0000018672c90e99_tmp
She’s starting off more red flag than rose. If the first thing America learns about you is that you wants to “break into the white house and spend months sleeping in a storage closet and observing what actually goes on behind closed doors,” you are not off to a good start. Now that she’s stopped filming weddings to be filmed essentially competing to get married, we can expect a shady start.

Elizabeth |  Doula

To sound relatable, Elizabeth included in her fun facts that she would never like to kill someone. Same?

No word on if that is because she loves it, but its reasonable if Nick is not inclined to give her an early one-on-one date, just to be safe.

Vanessa | Special Ed teacher

ac5f09bb-36f9-48f8-926c-b9127b6f2045-526-000001859576e025_tmp  67f8c360-b48c-4a5f-8b0f-4cc1bfc4fddd-526-00000186a5e0f4e8_tmp
Not only is she from Canada (actually, it’s probably more embarrassing nowadays to be from the U.S) but she said her favorite vegetable is an onion because they’re “stable item and can be found year round.” The onion itself doesn’t bother me as much as the explanation why. When Shrek answers that question better than you do, you’re not making it far past the cocktail reception.

They have layers, sometimes balayage

So while I stock up on White Girl Rose in preparation for our January 2 premiere, I will keep an ear out for early spoilers. There is no telling who may win Nick’s heart by the end of the season, but it is also exciting to keep in mind that our next Bachelorette and cast members for Bachelor in Paradise for next summer. The best is still yet to cum.

The Final Prose 

Quick last note, I cannot stop laughing at this promo image:


One Comment

Comments are closed.