While researching for this post, I reached out my Hollywood inner circle to find out how they would describe their dating life as a beverage. Within 24 hours, my inbox got more hits than the Canadian Immigration site after the election. In fact, Anthony Weiner is reportedly jealous that my inbox has better content than his laptop.
While I settle that feud, here are some of my favorite celebrity responses:
“Chocolate milk, because my favorite nutrition sources are Calcium and the NBA”
Aspiring “hotter” Kardashian, Klohe Kardashian
“Old Fashions in antique, rusted glassware”
Current wife of Playboy mogul Hugh Hefner, Crystal Harris
“16-year-old Macallen is good, but don’t sleep on the 25-year”
Quaalude’s “Consumer of the Year” recipient, Bill Cosby
“I’d kill for a Bloody Mary, but wouldn’t pass up a Widow Jane on the rocks”
Costume enthusiast and HBO darling Robert Durst
Speechwriter Melania Trump
Never having really gotten on board with “serious relationships” myself, life has led me to understand that my best shot at love probably involves a litter box. But instead of stocking up on the best moth balls on Amazon Prime, I decided to document my singleness in a crowded city. It might not improve my love life, but hopefully it can make you feel a little less lonely, or at least briefly entertained.
Over the last few years, I have found myself in a consistent dating pattern:
1. The Spark: We start by exchanging banter, numbers, and maybe a little more
2. The Flame: Good morning texts, late night movies and butterflies. Love is real!
3. The Fizzle: Texts and plans slow down until one of us just ghosts the other
4. The Recovery: Even if I ended it, I’ll still need a season of Friends a pint of ice cream
5. The Fresh Start: Meet someone new and this one will be different!
With this pattern in place, a single malt is the only fitting beverage to describe my dating life. I do not see this as a bad thing and love being single maybe too much to let go in favor of something steadier.
While I am not opposed to finding someone special, I plan on making the most of the time that I am single. What is more liberating than flirting with anyone you want? So while I date and before moving on from each fling, I’ll knock back my whiskey and use my experiences as a creative inspiration.